Don't let your shadow be your only friend

Listening to one of my favorite bands today, Green Day, there was a line the song 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' about how the shadow is the only one that will walk down the street with him, and I got to thinking.  Some people like solitude, or so some tell.  How quaint an idea.  I think that it's just an excuse, personally speaking.  It's rare to find someone that truly likes to be alone for long periods.  I guess if you get burned enough by people in general then you might like the option of getting away from it all.  

But, solitude is seen as a punishment by most penal institutions.  Hmm, so, I guess those who prefer solitude would do better than the rest of the population if they were locked up and had no interaction.  Makes sense, doesn't it?  I'm sure that I hear my wife comment once a year, at least, that she 'could live alone, just fine'.  Yeah, right.  That's why we've been together for 10 years!  She likes to be alone, lol!!!  I'm not wanting to go down that path, except to say, that I don't think most people mean it when they say that they like to be alone.  

It's all a matter of degrees.  I do know some people who like to be in the public less than I do, and that's alright, and normal.  I think that I could be alone for all of about a day and then I'm hunting interaction from something.  Some would give anything to have a friend to visit with occasionally, and they can't, or they have been dealt a situation that is tragic.  I'm not referring to those in that situation.  I'm referring to those who thwart the opportunity to enjoy friendships, relationships, social activities, and family by being selfish to the point of being abrasive to others.

Here's my point.  When being alone is a choice, it's seen as an exercise in freedom.  When you don't have a choice, you hate it because of the loss of freedom!  Simple?  Not really.  Most of us, when we get old, we're gonna get grumpy(er), or at least that's what my experience has shown me.  Don't be the one person in the neighborhood that everyone else chooses to avoid and ignore.  Before you know it, your shadow just might be your only friend! And that surely wouldn't be a wise choice.  Keep your options open, think twice and be nice.  It will definitely increase your chances of keeping friends and relatives close when you will need them the most.  

Nittany Lion Nation, WE ARE!!!!! Addicted to Denial

Many people this week have asked my opinion of the press conference on Monday concerning Happy Valley.  My first response this week to the sanctions handed down from the NCAA to the Penn State football program was WOW!  I was initially thinking that it was a firm and appropriate action to take.  I did think that it was on par with what the public might expect.  But it was far beyond what some Penn State faithful thought should be done by the NCAA.  As I was watching some of the individuals interviewed in the days following that fateful press conference on Monday, it occurred to me that the NCAA probably didn't go far enough.  By the time the Paterno family had issued their statement condemning the sanctions, characterizing them as 'knee-jerk', I had come to the conclusion that these people at Penn State just don't get it.  They are addicted to denial.  And they don't want to accept that the power of the leaders come from the public.  They are still holding onto that glass of cool-aid, all the while chanting WE ARE!!!

It is very simple, there are many ways to arrive at the top.  But to stay there?  The list is a lot shorter.  One of those ways for the PSU Nittany Lion nation, was to live in denial that their leaders could never do something like allow a child molester to operate unabated among themselves.  The Freeh report was much more comprehensive than any investigation would have been by the NCAA.  And what fool would, at this time, would trust any PSU insider to conduct any type of investigation.  They had their chance, but yet, they want to claim foul by the public at large, by not affording due process before making judgments.

Sometimes it's best to just shut up and take what you got coming.  The current administration has done that.  But, it's about time the PSU addicts (including some trustees) come to grips with their current situation and realize that you could have been given the fines AND the 'death penality', so just accept a new chant for the next few years,  WE WE'RE!  That should curb the addiction.

FAFSA - Not Fast and Free Student Aid

FAFSA- Not Fast and Free Student Aid

This is my very first post to this blog which I've called 'Have you ever...?' for the simple reason that a lot of conversations that I enter or start, or conversations that I've heard friends start, begin with 'Have you ever....?  So I figured this would be an entertaining way to introduce a wide variety of topics that affect daily life and activities of those that I come in contact with.  So here it goes.

Have you ever considered the amount of work that you put in as a parent trying to get financial aid for your child in the first semester of college?  Now, before you simply just dismiss this entire notion by saying to yourself, 'our family makes too much for little Sally or Johnny to qualify for student aid', you'll soon find out that if you even need to get a loan that is tied to the student in any way short of you just writing a check, you will be introduced to FAFSA.  This acronym stands for Free Application for Federal Student Aid.  So here are some highlights of my first 3 of 4 children to enter higher education and the process roadblocks we've encountered and tips on how to navigate this maze of red tape at both private and public institutions.

Some high school counselors will try to make you believe that it stands for Fast and Free Student Aid, but you'll soon become frustrated if you were told by the high school that its just a simple form and all you'll need is the parents and childs most recent signed form 1040 tax return, and it's all on computer!  How easy can it be?  My first child to go through this process graduated from a small high school in Central Arkansas with plans to attend a local community college, and I have to admit, he spoiled us with his diligence and I would later learn, a WHOLE LOT of LUCK!!!!!  I don't think I ever did anything except give him some information over the phone in addition to our simplified tax return, meaning that I only sent in the first two pages, which is a summary without the schedules A,C, SE, etc.......  That's where the luck came into play. 

The process with scholarships and other forms of public student aid usually start with FAFSA being filled out on an evening at the local high school where the counselor assists the parents/students by providing computers for the parents/students to use to get online and enter the information on the form.  This requires setting up a pin, (one each for the parents and student), and entering the codes for the individual institutions the student wishes to apply.  For most parents, this is where their personal involvement ends, up to a point.  For example, if your local high school doesn't have a thorough check sheet for all the required forms and tax returns, etc., then you might find as we did that what lies ahead is a nightmare.  Have you ever been to the local government office and stand in line for 30 minutes only to find out that you were in the wrong line?  Well, that's exactly what happens when you don't submit all the information AT THE SAME TIME.  With the exception, that the people at FAFSA prefer to notify you of lacking information via mail, which means by the time your child has taken their first, or in some cases second round of tests in the fall semester, they still will not have been approved to move forward in the process.

Right now I feel compelled to let the readers know that just because your application has been accepted it doesn't guarantee anything at all, except they will now review your application.  In 2 of 3 cases that I've dealt with this process for the first time, we only were told that we would be notified by mail, or email.  For middle income parents this will probably mean that your child will qualify for Federal Guaranteed Student Loans and there are limits depending on the institution and what academic year they are in.

I am writing this topic to alert parents and students alike to be on their toes as their child enters their Senior year of high school, and to be proactive with the institution that the child would like to apply.  I have found the local high school experience to be lacking in assisting with higher education requirements in regards to Federal guidelines.  So I have compiled a check list that I'll use on my 4th and final teenager as she approaches high school graduation.

• All tax returns from current year, meaning that if it is May 2012, send the returns you filed April 15, 2012  (if you do fafsa earlier in winter, then you'll have to resubmit forms after April 15 for the upcoming fall semester / academic year)
• Include all attachments such as w-2's, 1099misc, and schedules showing income and business income, ( in one case I had to have an affidavit stating the amount of child support we received)
• Compile a comprehensive folder/file that includes all possible personal information of your student including but not limited to shot records, drivers license, insurance certificates, grade transcripts

These things seem common sense when reading it, but you'd be surprised how many parents let a dime hold up a dollar. 

The best advise I can give is this one thing, build a relationship with someone on campus.  When traveling to meet the university or college of your students' choosing, make it a priority to find a contact person you can call each and every time you have a question or need help.  This was the best thing I did when dealing with the 'out of town' university, it saved about 4 weeks in the admissions process alone. 

I hope this topic helps in some way, thanks for reading,

Blessed or Lucky?

Blessed or lucky???

Have you ever considered how you ended up where you are?  I mean, not just literally where you are, but the situation you are in at this time and all the tiny degrees of separation from bad events and otherwise that effected the journey.  Maybe you are reading this and thinking, 'well, my life isn't so great', but if you're reading this, you more than likely have the means to access technology, which is way further up the luxury chain than eating. According to WHO, the World Health Organization, over a billion people will go to sleep tonight hungry.  So there, it could be worse. 

But back to my original thought, just how did we or rather you get where you are?  And the bigger question is why.  Authors and thinkers way smarter than me have not been able to do this subject justice or even get close using the latest scientific or intellectual genius to solving the mystery.  But as I was with my new adopted pet today, Sofie, I was juxtaposing her arrival at the Langston's Sanctuary for Strays, to my own good fortune. 

Sofie, was standing on my front porch some 2 weeks ago starving and showing signs of abandonment after recently bearing a litter of pups, of which I didn't see any sign of near our home.  At first, I clapped my hands and shooed her off the porch, already having adopted 3 strays, I wasn't looking to add to the pack!  But as she lumbered off the porch and down the driveway, I couldn't turn away from a being that was in obvious pain and suffering, hoping beyond hope that someone or something would give it the ability to sustain another day in this world.  I watched for a few seconds and immediately went to the back porch and got the dog bowl and tried to approach the dog, who was with another neighborhood stray, and give it some food, thinking that maybe it was just lost and needed some food and would make it back home, wherever that was. 

At that moment, just as I approached Sofie, she was scared and hastily walking away from me, on the wrong side of the highway going up a hill with an oncoming dump truck.  I watched in agony thinking that I was about to witness the death of a couple of dogs right before my eyes, and the terrible feeling that I was causing this by calling to the dog, being confused from my actions on the front porch.  After the truck slowed to a crawl, which really made the situation worse, you see, the longer he stayed on the blind side of the hill, the more likely he would meet an oncoming automobile who wouldn't even have the room to swerve to miss the animals, even with the remote chance it would see them. Thankfully, both dogs made the top of the hill and the truck passed without incident. 

This was an unlikely event, weekly there is a dead animal in that proximity on the highway.  I took it as a positive karma type of thing for the dog.  I could totally relate to this event, in a much bigger way than the average person.  You see, when I was six months old, I suffered a gunshot wound to the head, with the bullet entering above my left temple and exiting above my right ear.  This early accident, (a local teen playing with a .22 cal. handgun) impacted my life more and more as I grew older.  I really shouldn't be here!  It never seems redundant to me to literally thank God for another day, every day.  So no matter how you arrived right here, right now, today, you have to wonder, blessed or lucky.  I choose to believe blessed.  There are too many things that can't be explained except by the hand of God.  And Sofie adds one more thing to that infinite list.

Potholes are not just in the road

The potholes are not just in the roads

Arguably, the one most important thing to the governor of any state is good roads, wouldn't you agree?  Potholes are costly, lord knows if you hit a deep one it will possibly cost you to have to pay for a realignment, and compounded on that, maybe you have to buy a new tire.  But, I've recently found out that potholes are not just in the concrete and asphalt that we drive on every day.

I'm figuring I'm not alone on this one.  About a month ago, well it was exactly a month ago come to think of it, my wife and I purchased a Honda Civic from our daughter's step-sister for the sum of $2350.  We got a signed bill of sale from her, and did like most people, I think, and waited until the 29th day to get the car registered.  Now before you think to yourself, he's got it all down, what could be the problem?  Let me tell you, it's never a simple thing when dealing with the Arkansas Department of Finance and Administration.  The unforeseen can rise up and wipe the smile right off  your face quicker than a teen can ignore you and walk out of the house. 

So here I am living about 12 miles away from the county seat, which in it's self is not that big of a deal, unless you weigh in the fact that it's the opposite direction of any other business dealings on the end of the county that I live.  ( I live in Bigelow, AR, and Perryville is 12 miles west, Conway 10 miles east and Little Rock 30 miles Southeast, and I work in Little Rock)  So to take care of personal things at the courthouse or local revenue office, it's out of the way and usually requires you to take a half day off to accomplish all the coordinated tasks necessary to complete the relatively simple thing of registering a car. 

So, I think I have all my stuff, go to the courthouse a few blocks away from the revenue office and get the two of the four required pieces to this puzzle ( assessment and receipt of paid taxes) and with that smile on my face headed straight to the revenue office.  It's a small local office, in a small strip center next to a small discount store, usually only one employee needed most times and it's usually pretty quiet in there.  I take a seat, as there is no need for the numbered ticket, only an older couple plus the worker was there.  I listened to their transaction becoming increasingly fearful that this could be one of those potholes, the question remained of how much time and money mine would cost, as the worker turned the wife in the couple away because she didn't have proof of the switch between her first and second marriage when she changed from her maiden name and the worker wouldn't accept her birth certificate as proof of identity because of the missing link in the chain of information, all this to get a new drivers license.  Since she was from out of state, she and as I learned her new husband was turned away and told to get another form of ID recognized by the State of Arkansas.  Hum, I felt sorry for the couple, but they still had that smile as they walked away from the counter, looking as the glass as half full, I suppose because the husband was allowed to get his license, for reasons unknown.  And that brings me to the most important thing, it's always unknown, at least until you return the next day, sometimes with the same info but just a different employee to  deal with, and getting success.

Now it's my turn, yea!!!  Only by now, my smile has since turned to a stare at my paperwork trying to mentally punch holes in it before I go through the whole process only to get turned away myself.  My wife was with me, and we approached the counter with cautious optimism as she was there to get her drivers license renewed, and we both were there to sign the necessary paperwork to put the car in both of our names, not knowing at the time that only one of us could have been there to do that, but nevertheless, we've arrived at the moment of truth.

My wife presents her current valid license and all goes without a hitch.  The smile returns.  Then, the employee asks 'what else can I do for you'.  Freeze frame.  This is what she said, but it turns out that this is not what she meant.  What she meant was, I don't have to do anything to help you if I don't want to, and I can cost you money and time all with a smile on my face.  Not to mention the frustration of knowing that it's the luck of the draw as to whether or not the trip to the revenue office is a success or failure.  Again the unknown rears it's ugly head.

So here is the big deal with this one instance.  On the back of every car title, (at least in Arkansas) the seller and buyer have to sign and date the transaction and record the odometer.  Here is where I wish I had a trusty pen with smooth flowing ink.  As we signed the document, I realized a few days later the date hadn't been put by our signatures, so I tried to write the number 9 to signify September, and the pen wouldn't write, so I kept circling the top part of the nine until the pen started writing.  As anyone knows who can write, we've all done this at some time or another, and most of the time on checks or other formal documents.  This action was called a strike through by the worker, and then she went on to inform me that the original seller would have to sign the affidavit of amendment to the document before she could accept it.  This is where I had a problem, and therefore, completely forgotten that I had ever had a smile in the first place just minutes earlier.  I have one day left before penalties start and the seller lived in Benton, an hour drive from Bigelow.  The nine didn't look abnormal except for the large black circle at the top, but eagle eye caught it, thank goodness, all is well at the DFA as long as these types are there.  The real frustrating part is the statement by her 'I can see that it's not altered because the insurance and bill of sale are all in line with the information on the title, but it will not go through in Little Rock'.  What she failed to know was that I would immediately call someone and ask.  And guess what, it would have been fine.  The other DFA employee said, there was no reason, and if it had been struck through, then you wouldn't have to had to go find a notary as stated on the form, the local employee should have told you that, she stated.

If this were a car I would've needed that realignment, but at this point I feel my head needs a realignment.  So, two hours driving, gas, time missed at work, I figure, this costs me around $200, or about the same as repairing a very large pothole!!! 

P.S. This worker mentioned above was not one of the regular employees, and the regular employee fixed everything real easy the next day, thanks for the regulars !!!!

Expected or Unexpected?

Expected or Unexpected?

What percentage of our actions are expected by others?  Are we predictable to the extent that everything we do is no surprise to anyone?  Sound boring?  Most would think so, but I tend to think that we spend too much time trying to be predictable in certain areas.  Isn't that what we strive to do, predict our financial future with our 401K's, IRA's, and retirement accounts?  Expect to have an accident or mishap and buy insurance, playing it safe, and planning for the expected.  But isn't that planning for the unexpected?  Do we expect to die?  Yes.  Do we expect it to be tomorrow? No, not unless your on hospice and you're saying your goodbyes to loved ones. 

It's a common thing to plan or expect all these things to happen to us, but on the other side of the coin, do we let the cautious behavior and rational thinking about finances, insurance, and life expectancy spill over into the other parts of our lives and make us slow down so much to not enjoy life?  I expect certain things.  We're programmed that way.  It's what many people refer to as our comfort zone.  It's nice to have our friends cover our back, by calling and saying that we left our lights on, or the gate open, stuff like that.  It's nice to know that you can go home and have a nice comfy bed to get into after a hard day.  But it's not so easy or comfortable to have the unexpected occur. 

Do you fear or embrace the unexpected?  I think it's parallel to wether you view a situation as a 'cup half full or half empty'.  I must say, with me, it depends on the pattern of recent events.  If something starts my day off and makes me 'fall off the wrong side of the bed' then I think it's normal to have that downer carry to the next thing.  Would you agree that most are like this?  How many times have we heard the huffs and sighs at work or school and you knew that someone was in a bad mood.  And it always annoys these people when someone comes in the office so chipper that they can't contain themselves.  A lot of the time, my days can spin on a dime and go the complete opposite direction, and it changes my outlook, my mood (which sometimes irritates my wife), and the energy with which I approach the rest of the day. 

About 10 years ago, I had a friend tell me that I can only be in control of how I react to others and events initiated by others.  Sometimes that fact is lost within the confusion of the things that happen, and I forget to apply it to my own reactions.  Maybe I should expect more positive reactions of myself than I do of others.   All of this can apply to every aspect of our lives.  I admit that I get my roles as a parent, friend, husband mixed up sometimes.  I think some people also don't get the difference between those roles, and importance of separating them.  What I expect as a parent of my kids, is quite different of what I expect from a friend, or my spouse.  But how I react to both the expected and unexpected defines, in most cases, how I am received and what pattern I have displayed to others, that influence the amount of positive interaction I have with others.

Life is way too short to think of the cup half empty, I think I'll just expect the unexpected and smile!!!!!  That's something I can control, no matter how unexpected by others.

Just Because

Just Because

Have you ever had that argument or contentious response and ended up saying, JUST BECAUSE!  Communication is a tricky thing for some, myself included, and it can be a great asset to ones character, or a liability.  Sometimes patience pays an important part in whether or not we become frustrated enough to use those words, just because.  I find that most of the time I am looking at a situation and I think I am the superior person (maybe by being experienced with the subject) and expect the other person to be the inferior person in the conversation.  Yes, I'm referring to my kids in this instance.   But how much do we find ourselves unable to differentiate between our roles as a parent, and when dealing with our peers, and hopefully that would mean other adults. 

I take my role as a parent as the greatest responsibility that I will ever have.  Now before you think that I'm going to dole out some parenting advise, I'm only asking you to just consider what level your communication skills are, and do you feel that you should have a different set of rules for self governing yourself when dealing with different groups in your life.  I would advocate that it is difficult to be a parent and a friend to one of your children, at least until you've finished raising your kids and they are supporting themselves and not leaning on the parent for substantial logistical and financial assistance.  We are teachers to our children (by example) whether or not we want it to be that way.  Studies have shown that the vast majority of learning is done via the parent child relationship.  It's hard for me to slow down sometimes and give the kids a chance to show me what they've learned from my guidance, and I also find that I treat others outside my family circle with those same mores.  This isn't always the best way to interact with others. 

Leading by example always seems to be a recommended trait of leaders.  I try to do that, but sometimes others just don't catch on as to why.  Shouldn't they see?  It's obvious to me!  And in the absence of plenty of time or when I'm in a hurry, I find myself lacking patience and blurting out, JUST BECAUSE!  meaning two things, I don't have the time or desire to explain myself.  Now, understanding the time thing is easy, all can understand that.  But, that desire thing is where I usually find myself in a quandary, or for Southerners, a pickle.  I can't help but think that a lot of life is navigated with common sense, meaning that if I see a mop bucket and a wet mop in action in a school hallway, I automatically use caution knowing that it is likely wet and hazardous.  We all know of people who are lacking in this department.  But as stated in an earlier post that's where expectations come into play.  Due to my expectations, I usually, and sometimes incorrectly assume that it's obvious why I don't give an explanation to a directive. 

I hope that someone gives me an explanation when I don't understand something, if for no other reason than JUST BECAUSE.